Time Lords and Teaboys Adventures
by Night's Darkness
Summary: A set of drabbles about what the Doctor and Ianto got up to on their travels during 'Time Lords and Teaboys'. Some funny, some angsty, it's all there!
1. Year 1

Disclaimer: I don't own either Torchwood or Doctor Who (goes off to weep)

This is a series of drabbles, set after (technically during) Time Lords and Teaboys. They're little glimpses of what the Doctor and Ianto got up to during the four years (for them) they were gone. You don't need to read Time Lords and Teaboys, 'cause all you need to know is Ianto's the Doctor's son. They're the first time I've ever tried to do drabbles, so all concrit and advice is welcome!

* * *

**1**

"So, where d'you wanna go now?" asked the Doctor, grinning at his son.

Ianto smiled, "How about… Barcelona. The planet I mean. Like when I was little."

"Barcelona! Brilliant idea. Although… You know it's funny…" mused the Doctor, "Lately, every time I try to go to Barcelona something always-"

Something slammed into the TARDIS and threw both men to the ground.

"-happens to stop me." sighed the Doctor, getting to his feet. Ianto laughed, following,

"Just like old times, eh Da?"

The Doctor caught his son's eye and grinned back.

"Yeah. Ready to run for your life?"

"Around you? Always."

* * *

**2**

The Doctor watched in bewilderment as his son laughed with the King of the Torts, who was about to blow up medieval Earth. Then the King bowed his two heads and before the Doctor's wide eyes the attack was called off.

"What'd you say to him?" The Doctor asked as Ianto walked over and took off the cuffs on the Doctor's arms.

"I told him I'd supply him with Earth's finest beverage if he called it off. Luckily for us, he's more of a glutton than a planet blower-uper."

"Earth's finest…?"

Ianto smirked, "Coffee comes Captain Harkness approved after all."

* * *

**3**

"Da… Da, come on, we have to go." Ianto pulled on the Doctor's arm.

"No! I won't let her die!" shouted the Doctor, watching the fearless woman as she endured lethal amounts of radiation to deactivate the engine of the ship before it exploded.

"Da!" Ianto spun the Doctor around, "If we don't go and fix the shields the whole crew will die. We have to go!"

The Doctor turned back to the woman as she managed to turn the final dial before collapsing on the ground. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he let Ianto pull him away.

Another person he couldn't save.

* * *

**4**

"My dear Doctor, so good to see you again after all these years." smiled Shakespeare.

"Hi there Shakespeare."

"And where is my Dark Lady?"

"Oh, she's gone back home I'm afraid. Have you met my son?" The Doctor pulled Ianto, who'd been very reluctant to go along, forward. Shakespeare's eyebrows climbed to his long lost hairline.

"Ianto… 'tis been too long."

"What?" asked the Doctor, face contorted in confusion.

"Who do you think inspired my sonnets to the 'fair youth'?"

The Doctor glanced at Ianto, who blushed deeply.

"…I think those fifty-seven academics just had a collective hernia of joy."

* * *

**5**

Ianto ran down the corridor of the summer mansion of Queen Elizabeth I, away from the Haemovore's, that were literally out for his blood, swearing to kill his father for getting him into this mess. He turned a corner, only to crash into someone and knock them both to the ground. The other body let out a squawk that sounded highly indignant. Ianto groaned and pushed himself up on his arms so he was looking into the person's face. His eyes widened in surprise, and alarm.

"Oh… erm… hello your Majesty! Don't suppose you'd mind hiding me under your skirt?"

* * *

**6**

"Ianto, does Jack really need that many spare RAF coats?"

"Have you any idea how many times I've had to sew it back together?"

"Do I wanna know?"

"No. Do you think Tosh will like all these real kimonos from the 18th century?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Well where would she wear them?"

"You already bought them! Why are you wondering now?"

"Because I'm wondering if I should have gotten her a palm pilot from the 23rd century instead."

"What'd you get for Gwen again?"

"A crib mobile and a hair jewel for when she marries Rhys."

"And Owen?"

"A muzzle."

* * *

**7**

Ianto covered his face as he cried, his shoulders rising and falling in uneven spurts.

The Doctor crouched down beside him and put his arms around him. Ianto buried his face in his father's chest and howled bitterly.

"Shh… it's ok… it's ok…" the Doctor murmured, trying not to look at the body near them.

"Da… when you die… you've only got three regenerations left… I'm gonna be alone… 'cause I have to keep what you're doing going… and Jack will eventually die, I know he will, or he'll leave me… and I… I'm scared."

"I know… and I'm sorry."

* * *

**8**

"Da, I'm going to kill you for this!"

The Doctor laughed and waved at his son as the Princess, all 7 feet of her, dragged Ianto onto the dance floor and glomped him. Ianto threw his father dirty looks as his favourite suit got soaked in the goo the Princess was made of.

"Is your son considering marriage Doctor?" asked the Queen.

"I'm afraid not. Although…" the Doctor grinned wickedly, "I could always have a word with him."

"What about yourself?" she purred.

"He's single!!" shouted Ianto, "He's single and lonely!"

"You're grounded!" shouted the Doctor as the Queen advanced.

* * *

**9**

"Ianto! I need a sonic screwdriver now!!"

"Two more minutes Da! I need to finish the emitter." growled Ianto as he squinted at the tiny parts of the machine.

"No, now!!"

"Just a bloody minute!"

"Ianto, in two minutes this planet is going to implode!"

"That's not helping Da!"

"I don't care!"

"Da, I can't go any faster!"

"Oh yes you can! If I don't get it now I'm gonna show Jack your potty training photos!"

"Here you go Da."

"Good, because I actually don't know where those pictures are."

"I really hate you right now Da."

"I know son."

* * *

**10**

"So… are you in love with Jack."

"Da!"

"Oh come off it! I powdered your bottom until you were nearly two, and you find me asking you about Jack embarrassing."

"I'm going to pretend you never said that, otherwise I shall be scarred for life."

"So are you in love with Jack?"

"I dunno… probably."

"You should be certain."

"I was as a human… I think. As a Time Lord… kinda hard for me to figure out."

"How come?"

"Because I never loved anyone as a Time Lord."

"Really?"

"Yeah… not truly loved anyway. It's kind of new to me."

* * *

**11**

"Ianto get out of the water this instant."

"Make me!"

"Oh I'll make you!" the Doctor stomped back into the TARDIS. Ianto grinned as he backstroked through the orchid water. The Doctor re-emerged and held up a box. "Iantosmorashthrimoret! Get out of that ocean right now, or I'll put the Boston Tea Party to shame!"

Ianto righted himself and his eyes widened as he read the label on the box.

"Not my coffee beans from Inarvor Da! I had to do awful things for them!"

"What kind of things?"

"Things that would make Jack's ears burn and his brain melt."

* * *

**12**

Ianto glared through the bars at his father who was smirking.

"Now, my boy, have we learned our lesson?"

"I'm hanging upside down by my ankles, my bottom bared to anyone who wants to walk by the window –and I'm pretty sure the amount has increased since I got here- so I'm thinking, yes, I have indeed learned my lesson."

The Doctor rocked back on his heels, grin widening, "And what have we learned?"

"When describing Tom and Jerry to the people of New Earth, who've never even heard of it, don't step on Novice Hame's tail as an example."

* * *

If people like these I think I'll do three more, one for each year each containing 12 drabbles, one for each month. That is if I can think of 36 more, lol.

Night's Darkness


	2. Year 2

The first set of drabbles were pretty well liked, so I decided to attempt to reach 48 drabbles in total. Here's the next 12. If you think I've peaked and that I shouldn't write any more, I'd like to know, 'cause I don't want to be writing rubbish.

* * *

**13**

Ianto held out the flower to his father. The Doctor's eyes darkened as he studied the rose. Ianto pushed it into his hand.

"Tell me about her."

"Why?"

"Because you wore that exact same expression when Mam died."

"Did I?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"So tell me about her."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Tell me about Lisa."

Ianto looked away, pain in his eyes at the vivid memory. The Doctor put the rose out of sight.

"Thorns are dangerous things Ianto. They catch you by surprise and are hard to remove. You have your own to worry about, so don't go pulling mine."

* * *

**14**

"We welcome you to our humble planet." said Jeeveson, bowing to the Doctor and Ianto. Ianto smiled and returned the gesture, while the Doctor waggled his fingers at them. "Feel free to partake of anything."

"Thank you Jeeves."

"Jeeveson Da!" hissed Ianto, grimacing.

"Well he looks like a Jeeves!"

"I have met Jeeves, and I can tell you he does not!"

"Well how well did you get to know this Jeeves to be able to spy one?"

Ianto smirked, "Jack's not the only one with a fetish for suits Da."

"Thanks, I'm going to go burn my ears off now."

* * *

**15**

"No Ianto! Don't touch that!" shouted the Doctor, lunging at the temporary toddler. Ianto pouted and his eyes filled with tears. "Oh no you don't! I became immune to those eyes way back when… oh who am I kidding, no I didn't. But still. No touchy!"

"Want sweetie!"

"That's not a sweet son."

"Sweetie!"

"It's not a sweet!"

"SWEETIE!"

"Ianto, that is a round blob of a substance that has the ability to make a sun explode. Putting it in your mouth would be really, really bad."

Ianto blinked. Then,

"Sweetie!"

"Ok mister, you just earned yourself a time out!"

* * *

**16**

"Whichever one of us suggested that going to the Cretatous era is a moron." decided Ianto as he ducked out of sight from the T-Rex that was prowling around the TARDIS.

"Well it wasn't me!" spluttered the Doctor, trying to flatten his hair to stay hidden.

"Well I didn't suggest it."

"Well one of us had to… didn't we?"

"Unless it was…"

"But she would never-"

"Da, she's locked us out. I think she would!"

"But… but why?"

"You forgot to clean out the sub-etheric resonator again, didn't you?"

"But it smells so nice when it's been left a while."

* * *

**17**

Cradling the dead child in his arms, Ianto let two tears fall down his cheeks, before he lay the girl down and pushed her hair out of her face, arranging it so the soft curls framed her delicate face. When he was done, he looked up, glaring at his father, hatred in his eyes. The Doctor stared back, face blank, eyes hard.

"You stupid-"

"It had to happen. And you know it."

"We could have saved her."

"No. Not with what had taken over her. She was dead long ago."

"It's never everyone gets to live."

"Not often. But sometimes."

* * *

**18**

"Grandfather?"

"Hello Susan." The Doctor smiled at the middle-aged woman.

Susan looked him over, trembling, then drew in a deep breath. Then she slapped him.

"Oi! What was that for?"

"You left! You just left without saying goodbye!"

"Come off it Susan. When has he ever said Goodbye?"

Susan's eyes widened in amazement and delight,

"Uncle Ianto!" And she lunged into his waiting arms.

"Oh, right, he gets the warm welcome." muttered the Doctor, rubbing his cheek.

"I always do Da." Ianto smirked, still holding Susan, who was crying into his shoulder. "Remember when we went-"

"Oh shut up Ianto!"

* * *

**19**

"Just what were you thinking? _What were you thinking!?_"

"We had to be quick, we had to stop it!"

"So you whip out a gun and threaten everyone? I see Torchwood has changed you more than I thought!"

"I didn't like it any more than you did!"

"If that was true you'd never have used it!"

"We had no choice Da."

"There's always a choice Ianto! There's always a choice."

"Yeah! And last time someone chose the slow route, over a thousand people died, including the woman I loved!"

"Ianto…"

"I hate it, but someone has to be the bastard."

* * *

**20**

The Doctor watches Ianto sleep. He's got one dark curl resting on his brow, a stark contrast to his skin, his lips curved in a cute smile. He's ditched his suits, and is wearing tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt, making him look even younger.

The Doctor wonders what his son feels, how much he hides behind alternating mad grins and stoic butler expressions. He wonders how much pain Ianto feels when something reminds him of Canary Warf, of his mother, of Gallifrey.

The Doctor kisses Ianto's brow.

"You may look like your mother, but you're just like me. I'm so sorry."

* * *

**21**

"It's never easy is it?"

"What?"

"Being alone."

"We're not alone. We've got each other."

Ianto's smile is sweet, nearly naïve. The Doctor wants to cry. Instead he smiles.

"Yes, that's true."

"Neither of us is going to die for a long time. So lets not dwell on it."

"Ok, sounds good."

"And we've got Jack." Ianto's smile is radiant at the thought of the Captain back in 21st century Cardiff.

"We do… you do."

"You do too Da. He loves you too."

"Jealous?" It's meant to be a joke.

"Always." Ianto's never looked more serious.

The Doctor cannot respond.

* * *

**22**

Ianto's drunk and the Doctor's giddy. It's very bad together and worse apart.

When Ianto comes to, he finds himself tied to a bed, with about six different aliens, with various shapes, appendages, and matter states, leering down at him and petting his skin. Ianto gulps and prays that his dad will get him out of this before he's scarred for life. The viscous alien, which looks like it's a third gender starts turning his clothes to mush with acidic saliva, and Ianto hopes his dad is enjoying his last few hours of life.

_Meanwhile, down a well…_

"Hello? Anyone?"

* * *

**23**

"Have a banana."

"I hate bananas."

"You what?"

"I hate bananas."

"Why?"

"Because they remind me of Jack."

"So you should love them, not hate them."

"They remind me of Jack, and the time he ruined my 'Expensive Suit' with a banana."

"How'd he manage that?"

"I'm not sure I can tell you without you wanting to cut your ears off."

"It's sex related, isn't it?"

"When isn't it sex related when it comes to Jack?"

"Good point. Would you like a grape?"

"No. Grapes remind me of Jack too."

"What fruit _doesn't_ remind you of Jack?"

"Passion fruit."

"Seriously?"

* * *

**24**

"Ianto, eat some more, please."

"I'm not hungry."

"You've barely eaten anything this week."

"I'm fine."

"Why won't you let me help you? I know you have an eating problem, and, all fun and games aside, I'm worried."

"Don't be Da. I'll get better."

"When?"

"When I'm back with Jack."

"Why can he help you and I can't?"

"Because I promised him that he could be the one to help me get fixed."

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing Da. But I promised Jack. And you taught me to keep my promises."

"…Jack better be good to you."

"He already is."

* * *

Concrit is greatly appreciated.

Night's Darkness


	3. Year 3

Wow! Another 12 drabbles. I honestly don't think I could write anymore (famous last words).

* * *

**25**

"Ianto you have to stop this. This isn't you."

"How do you know? What do you really know about me?" Ianto's eyes were glinting with madness, his pale skin shining with fever.

"I know a lot about you, you're my son."

"Doesn't mean a thing! Some people can make you fall in love and screw you senseless and they still don't know anything about you."

"Maybe, but Jack's not like that, and you know it."

Ianto's hands were shaking around the gun.

"I'm not enough for him. Never enough."

"You're so much more. Please son."

Ianto dropped the gun.

* * *

**26**

The Doctor wasn't good at staying one place for long. A few days was enough to make his feet itch.

Right now, he was so restless, he'd decided to give the TARDIS a complete overhaul, grounding himself until he was done.

"Bloody son –'Oh we'll only be here a little while Da!' –A month is not a little while!"

Ianto burst through the door looking a tad panicked. "Time to go Da!"

"What did you do?"

"I kicked Caesar up the bum."

"What you do that for?"

"… You know, I've no idea." Ianto grinned. "Shall we go?"

"Erm… about that…"

* * *

**27**

"Do you ever wonder what the universe will do without you?"

"…Carry on I suppose. It'll have to."

"How?"

"What?"

"How does a creature carry on alone after being cared for for so long? You've tamed the universe Da. What'll happen when you let it loose?"

"It'll adapt."

"Or it'll curl up and die."

"Never."

"Why not?"

"It just won't."

"What's to stop it?" Ianto's brow was furrowed in a frown.

The Doctor smiled, running his fingers through Ianto's hair, "You son. You'll deliver the universe back to the eternity. Because of you, it'll survive."

Ianto didn't look so sure.

* * *

**28**

"Do you miss your team?"

"Yes. And no."

"Why no?"

"I don't miss Gwen's moon eyes when she looks at Jack. I don't miss Owen's derogatory taunts. I don't miss Tosh breaking her heart over Owen. I don't miss Jack's habit of talking non-stop and saying nothing. I don't miss the way I feel every time I go down to the basement and one of them watches me. There's a lot I don't miss about them."

"But they're your friends. You trust them."

"I don't miss a lot about them. But I still love them. They're my team."

* * *

**29**

"Da! I said No!"

"Mine!"

"No Da! You're not having it!"

"Mine! Mine! Mine!!"

Ianto groaned and grabbed his Da's arm, dragging him away from the shiny marble that was floating above the pool. The Doctor let out a whinge and made grabby motions with his free hand. "Mine! Mine! **Mine!!**"

Ianto growled as the Doctor dug his heels into the ground. "Ok! That is it! You're grounded!"

The Doctor gasped, stared at his son for a moment, before bursting into tears.

Ianto groaned, "When I said I wanted Da to act young for a while, this was so _not_ what I meant!"

* * *

**30**

"Can we go visit the Face of Boe Da?"

The Doctor blinked as Ianto popped up in front of him.

"Why?"

"I like the Face of Boe. He's always been really friendly to me."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, eyes widening a little. "Oh really?"

"Yup! The first thing he ever said to me was I looked really good in my black leather."

"He did?"

"Yup! So can we?"

"Erm… another time."

"Aw… ok. Just a thought." Ianto walked away. The Doctor waited until he was gone before turning to the TARDIS.

"Well… That proves it. Jack's never gonna change."

* * *

**31**

"Ianto!!" The Doctor's voice was sharp with annoyance.

"Yes?" two voices answered him sheepishly.

"When I tell you not to go near a cloning device I mean don't go near a cloning device!"

"But it wasn't my fault!" wailed Ianto on the left.

"Well it wasn't mine!" snapped Ianto on the right.

"Well don't look at me." said a third from a corner.

"Or me." added a fourth.

The Doctor massaged his temples as a chorus of Iantos spoke up.

"All right, enough!" Silence fell over the very full TARDIS. "I can't believe I'm saying this but… Will the real Ianto please stand up?"

* * *

**32**

"What do you remember of your mother?"

"… I remember her hair. It was always very soft. And I remember her smell. And how her eyes lit up when you two were running around solving a problem together. She loved it."

"Yeah… she was incredible, wasn't she?"

"All the more for putting up with you in your crotchety incarnation."

"Oi! I wasn't that bad. Was I?"

"All I can say is… 'There goes Mr. Humbug! There goes Mr. Grim!'"

"Did you just rip off the Muppets Christmas Carol while we're remembering your mother?"

"Did you just confirm you've watched the Muppets?"

* * *

**33**

"Nice going Ianto!"

"It wasn't my fault! She surprised me."

"Oh yes, well, next time, tell her to put her surprises back in her top! Honestly, even Jack's not that bad."

"Hey! They were very nice surprises, I didn't hear you complaining."

"I wasn't the one who was supposed to be locking the TARDIS up!"

"Well, why don't you do it from now on?"

"I will!"

The TARDIS giggled. She'd been saving that vintage stopwatch and that new upgraded sonic screwdriver for a day when she'd felt like going for a little vacation of her own. Her boys would be fine for a few hours, provided they didn't bicker to death of course.

* * *

**34**

"I love Ancient Greece! Such wonderful manners." The Doctor grinned, bouncing along the path.

"I'll admit that the scenery is spectacular."

"Ianto you're staring at two young men."

"Exactly."

"You really are as bad as Jack!"

"Hey! Is that who I think it is?"

"Hm? Oh! I think it is! It's Aristotle! Let's go over and say hello."

"I've got a much better idea. Tosh once told me that if she ever met Aristotle…"

_Five minutes later_

"Just how does kicking him between the legs getting revenge for women? I'll be having a word with Ms. Sato!"

"Don't talk, _Run_!!"

* * *

**35**

"I feel like my chest is about to explode Da! Make it stop, please."

"Take it easy, you'll be all right son. Just hang on."

The Doctor looked down at his boy, sweating a river, crying from the pain and almost breaking the Doctor's fingers in an effort not to scream.

"Da, Da I'm scared!"

"I know. I'll take care of you, don't worry."

Ianto screwed up his face as the creature inside his body made another attempt to take over his mind and defile his body.

"Da, it's winning! Oh God."

"Just hold on Ianto!"

"Love you Da..."

"IANTO!!"

* * *

**36**

"I like Donna."

"Of course you do, she never stops berating me."

"That's why I like her."

"I'm just relieved she still doesn't fancy me. Or you for that matter."

"It's nice when someone sees past the handsome face and sees that we are in fact, not human, isn't it?"

"Yeah." A pause. "We are handsome, aren't we?"

"Oh God yes."

"Especially our eyes."

"Who doesn't love big turmoiled eyes like ours? And brown and blue are the best colours for it."

"Turmoiled? Really?"

"Oh don't get me started!"

"Is turmoiled even a real word?"

"Not according to Microsoft."

"When has that ever been right?"

* * *

I would say the mischief never ends, but I don't see myself writing anymore. If that changes, I'll certainly post.

Night's Darkness


End file.
